adversity

In the last few days...

I have purchased 7 dozen school supplies.
I have pulled 900 weeds.
I have cooked and cleaned, prepped clothes and mated socks.
I felt for about one second I might be slightly ahead of this school year.

Then I saw this dad-gum leaking gutter and I knew, behind those school supplies comes 500 homework assignments and more than a handful of teary nights. Behind those weeds come 5000 more and after those meals come a thousand dishes along with more socks that can’t stay married to their mates.

And instead of done, I felt undone. I looked at that gutter and debated finding tape but realized my stock of scotch would do nothing but irritate the life out of me. I watched how every living thing around that leak looked happy and healthy, healthier than most of the plants in my yard.

I realized that what seemed completely broken in my eyes seemed to find function and purpose. 
Perhaps that is the way with broken. As Job wondered, shall we only accept good from God? Good is so much easier. It feels like blessing and fun and abundance and joy.

Adversity feels empty and hard and compels me to push back and pull in. I talk to God a lot more when my eyes leak tears and my heart lacks faith. Leaking gutters. Gutted hearts. Sometimes being empty brings the grace of broken and the glory of surrender.