Eight o'clock in the evening would come, the
doors would lock behind me and fatigue would set in. I would begin the thirty minute drive from
the mental hospital. I would drive alone
fighting sleep and wondering if the work that lay ahead could possibly get
done.
I couldn’t bear the
thought of mom being alone for one evening.
I couldn’t bear the pressure of studies and finishing my degree. The
evenings were dark. The days darker. I prayed hard. I would finish before dawn and the day would
begin again.
Some have the luxury
of fighting fatigue with choices. We
give up something. Some live in the
poverty of necessity. Relationships,
passion, work, school, they are all worthy, yet fatigue suddenly resembles
failure.
Fatigue has a way of
pointing us to prayer and what felt like failure is inverted in to something
divine; it is surrender. Surrendering when we are tired of doing it
all is the leaning in to Jesus. It is
the extraordinary release of control and the sanctification of the soul.
We are
afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but driven to despair; persecuted,
but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body
the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our
bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:8-10
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