Devotion 319 - sharks

I was speaking about an ill friend.

I was wondering about her and praying, trying to see God in the midst of her suffering.  She has faced some decisions as she lay in her distress.  Speaking to our mutual friend, I described this dear lady whom I have come to love and respect as a “thinker.” 

The words left my lips and hung there for a moment reflecting back at me.

I am not a “thinker”.  Instead, in pain, in wonder, I am a seeker. 

I want to SEE my Heavenly Father.

I want to find Him in the sunrise.  I want to find Him in pain and applaud Him in blessings.  I want to feel His breath as the wind blows and sense His wisdom in the circumstance of life.    I realized in the last weeks, I had not seen Him.

The last weeks have been stunningly confusing and my vision, my holy vision has been blurred.  There was my husband’s illness, sad news about my children’s school and my oldest son facing tough decisions.  My son is an adult now.  He is capable of making decisions fitting an adult but this mother’s heart still sees him as the little boy and me mentoring his movements.

I shut my bathroom door, just a few minutes of quiet before the day began.

I would take the children to school; our wee daughter would go to the office with me and then run to the hospital to visit with my precious husband.  I kept reminding myself the day would be accomplished moment by moment as thinking of the entire day seemed entirely too much.

I hung my pajamas on the hook behind the door.  On the edge of the tub sat a shark, my son’s shark from a decade ago, seemingly swimming towards a bright colored duck posed in its path.  The sight was humorous; the sight was symbolic.  

Suddenly, I realized there were sharks in my water.

I looked at this shark, its teeth blazing and somehow my life suddenly seemed under attack.

I could see it now...  

When blessings happen, I can envision the Father reaching in His storehouse of blessing and pouring out His grace.  His equation is incredible. 

The precious Father to whom we owe breath and life sees fit to move His gaze from sunsets, starlight, strife and wars to my life, to our lives.  He pours His blessings…. it’s absolutely amazing.

But then the bad stuff happens.  I will admit, far too often I see the enemy and he occludes my vision to the Holy.  I see him menacing, determined to discourage and wielding his blood bath of fear and I feel alone in the infested water.

I want to point my finger and scream, believing my Holy cry will be the harpoon to slay my shark.  

But Beloved I wonder, what if the shark swam into my water with the distinct permission of the Savior?

What if this is not about me,  not about my husband, but about the friends and families that have been called to pray during this season?

What of good if we do not know bad?

What of Holy if we never encounter evil?

What of fellowship if we never sense loneliness?

What of a Savior, if we don’t sense our desperate need for salvation?

What of the voice roaring the words, “You can’t do this?” is the disciplining voice of my Father saying, “Here let Me, take my hand, let me rescue you out of the jaws of fear.”

I have heard that when the teacher gives the test, it is then that the teacher is the most silent.

Silent perhaps Beloved but PRESENT.

We reach and He clasps, He surrounds and He shields.

The seeker finds - The searcher arrives.

The scared are shielded and the fearful are comforted.

In this extraordinary ocean of life the sharks are real.  We must seek above, behind, below and ahead; and we find the Savior.

We are neither the authors nor the pawns of our life stories but rather partners somehow with fate or destiny or circumstance or providence. And the writers of Scripture insist that, at least sometimes, in at least some lives—in any lives where the person is willing—that unseen Partner can be God. John Ortberg                    

But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43:1-2